is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
