Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
