WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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