Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
