He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
