sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
