I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
