I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
