moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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