maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
