You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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