We're facebook friends in real life
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
