I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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