i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
