Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
