Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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