threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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