Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
