ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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