Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
