rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
