I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
