he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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