Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
