She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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