It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
50% drunk capacity currently
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
