It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
