Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
