I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
