I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
