new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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