Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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