tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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