New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
