Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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