aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
