i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
