Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
