Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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