i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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