office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize