70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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