You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
