What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
