I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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