Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
