PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
