I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
