Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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