I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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