Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
