ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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