...so i touched it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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