you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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