yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
love makes seman taste better
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
