This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
