What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
