can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
