She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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