I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
