i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
