the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
