I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
