Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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