The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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