Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
