I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
