he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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