All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
