he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
