Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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