Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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