the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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