I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
