I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
